Quantity Over Quality: Which is Most Important in Family Outcomes?
In design, organization, and most aspects of life, I would agree that quality exceeds quantity in importance. However, I read a post the other day that said “quality time outweighs quantity time in parenting.” I disagree, but I believe there are both true and false elements to that comment.
The Research
What is true about that statement is that parents making efforts for time spent together as a family to be special is significant to family outcomes. The Raising Family Podcast interviewed Dr. Brian Hill, a professor of Experience Design, in a recent podcast and he discussed the effect family traditions and wholesome recreational activities have on greater happiness in family life. He discussed an interesting model grounded in family systems theory that suggests a direct relationship between how families spend their leisure time and family cohesion and adaptability. The Core and Balance Model of Family Leisure Functioning has two components: core and balance activities.
Core activities are defined as things that we do everyday, such as eating dinner as a family, bouncing on the trampoline or playing board games. These core activities do a lot to build cohesion in the family.
Balance activities include activities that require more planning, including family vacations, traveling or other regular community or family events. These balance activities do more to build our ability to deal with difficulties in life and nurture the building of coping skills. The research found that families that participate in a mix of both core and balance activities will have greater family cohesion and flexibility.
“Quality experiences usually do not make up for lack of quantity time with your kids.”
Being intentional about planning activities to do as a family can have a big impact, but quality experiences usually do not make up for lack of quantity time with your kids. Dr. Brian Hill also discussed the finding that the amount of time that you spend is more important than anything else. In Bruce Feiler’s book The Secrets of Happy Families, he discusses the importance of family dinners. There is a body of research that has found that children who have dinners with their families are less likely to have emotional, social, or academic problems, use alcohol or drugs, engage in criminal activity, or have premarital sex. The research showed that family dinner had a greater impact on children’s outcomes than time spent in school, church, or in sports. Bruce Feiler interviewed many families whose daily schedules prevented a regular family dinner from happening so, they got creative with a family breakfast, dessert, or pre-dinner snack. They recognized how critical time with their family is and prioritized gathering as a family for a meal.
The Intentional Family by William Doherty talks about the importance of creating family rituals, which can include both core and balance activities. Family rituals have three components:
The event has meaning or significance
It can be repeated
It requires coordination
Some examples of family rituals that fit this description in my family growing up would be our annual birthday song for my mom, Christmas Secret Santa poems/songs, our annual Oceanside trip and family reunions. Rituals like these allow time to foster a sense of belonging and connectedness to your family and time to model and pass down important values.
The above research outlines the impact that both quantity time together and making efforts to ensure that it is quality time can have on the family. The truth is that children need both quantity and quality time with their parents. I would however suggest that your everyday, constant presence will have the greatest affect on your children’s emotional and social well-being, safety and life choices. Children thrive in consistent, routine environments and your presence (quantity of time) provides that safety and stability for them. Quantity time together with your kids provides for ample opportunities to have meaningful interactions, such as moments to teach, comfort, and care for your children. These interactions can be time sensitive and you cannot seize them if you’re not there.
Balancing all of our roles and responsibilities does and always will take effort. For me, in this stage of motherhood this means organizing my to-do lists so that I can be productive during nap times and evenings. I try to be very intentional about slowing down and being present with my little one as much as possible. If he doesn’t have memories of me down on my hands and knees playing with him, I’m not doing it right. Of course, giving ourselves grace is a huge piece of parenthood, but recognizing the importance of our availability to our children can help us make intentional choices to give our children our quantity and quality time.
The Hygge House
